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Stupidity, Thy Name Is Yerevan

Avedis Kevorkian, Philadelphia, PA,  10 July 2013

Word has reached me–and, others in the Diaspora, I am sure–that the idiots in Yerevan have sat down and discussed 2015 and have come up with their plans to mark the centenary of the start of the Armenian Genocide. They have agreed that Turkey should commit suicide. It would appear that Armenia is going to demand that “compensation must be given to the heirs of the victims of the Armenian Genocide, the Armenian Church should recover the miraculously preserved churches and holdings, and Armenia should recover its territories.”

There is nothing about the recognition of the Genocide, so, presumably, Turkey will have done that.  Or, from the language of the document, that step is not necessary because sufficient number of people have said there was a genocide, “so let us go to the next step.”
I see the fingerprints of the Dashnaktsutyun (hereinafter, the ARF) on the new policy, since the ARF still harbors guilt feelings for having “lost” the first Republic and still thinks that Armenia belongs to it.  But, let us not wander into that rabbit warren.
The thought that Turkey will pay “compensation to the heirs” is so asinine that no comment is needed, but, as you obviously expect, comment will be made.  Since there are few survivors left, after 98 years, let us go to the next generation.  Many of them have died, as well.  So, how far down are “heirs” to be determined?  Since my father is dead, will Turkey come to me and say, “Mr. Kevorkian, we consider you an ‘heir’ and so are prepared to offer you compensation.  We will pay you $10,000 for your father’s father, $9000 for your father’s mother, $8000 each for your father’s two brothers, $7000 for his sister, $6000 for the family dog, $5000 for the family cat, $4000 for the family hamster, $3000 for the family canary.  I am sure that you will agree that that is more than fair, so please sign on the dotted line, and expect our check in thirty days”?
But, No.  According to the document, I will have to go to Ankara, establish my bona fide as the son of an “heir,” after, of course, establishing my father’s bona fide as the son of deceased residents of Chunkoush, and then we would negotiate an agreed fee. If that fails, then I must go through the various appeals procedures–in Turkey, then in Europe.  But, it is good to know that good old Yerevan is in my corner.
I will make no comment on the matter of Yerevan’s demand that Turkey return the “miraculously preserved churches.”  How Turkey is to do that, isn’t clear, but Yerevan feels that its role is to come up with the ideas and for others to execute them.  And, to use any form of the word “miracle” suggests Divine Intervention, and if the condition of the churches whose photos I have seen are in “miraculous” condition, I would hate to see what Satan would have done with them had he been called upon to act on behalf of the Turks.
But it is the matter of returned lands that is the stupidest idea from Yerevan, since the idea that Armenians are capable of running an honest government.  I am sure that the oligarchs have already partitioned out the parts of any land that the Turks are expected to return.  But, since that day will never come, let them yearn in vain.
Before proceeding, let me dispense with another idiocy in the announced plans.  I refer to the use of the words “territorial integrity” of Armenia–presumably, the idiots mean pre-World War I Armenia, that is that part that was in Anatolia.  For Armenians to use the words “territorial integrity” is like discussing the strength of various kinds of rope in the home of a man who has been hanged.  Aren’t the Armenians denying the Azeri right to “territorial Integrity” in refusing to recognize the independence of Artsakh, and indicating that it is the “principle of the self-determination of peoples” that applies?
So, if the Azeri claim to “territorial integrity” is invalid in Azerbaijan, how can an Armenian claim that “territorial integrity” of a non-existent country (there was no State of Armenia during world War I), be valid?
Which brings us to the idea that Turkey is to divest itself of the lands in eastern Turkey (which some Armenians are now calling “Western Armenia”) more or less along the lines of the defunct Treaty of Sèvres and the “Wilsonian Armenia.”  Would not the Turks, no doubt stifling a smile (or is that smirk, I see?) ask, “let the principle of the ‘self-determination of peoples’ apply as you want in Artsakh”?
Let us ponder the slight problem of the returned lands.  What is to be the fate of the Turks (and Kurds, come to think of it), living there?  Are they to be “ethnically cleansed”?  Try that in this 21st century.  Or, more simply, kill them all, after all genocide is a handy tool which the Turk, themselves, developed in the area.  Well, no, not that either.  Ah, well, make them all Armenian citizens.
Those of you out there with good memories know what is coming as we wander down this twisted lane.
Turkey gives the land back.  Armenia inherits 20-million Turks and makes them citizens.  At the next parliamentary elections, the new citizens vote as a Turkish bloc and elect a majority Turkish party into the Armenian National Assembly.  Then, at the following presidential election, the Turkish-bloc candidate sweeps the boards, and Armenia now has a Turkish president and a Turkish-dominated National Assembly.  And, a Turkish-Armenian member of the National Assembly moves that Armenia be dissolved and absorbed into the Republic of Turkey,  The measure is approved by the Turkish majority and signed by the Turkish president, and lo, and as the man said, “behold,” there ain’t not no Armenia left!
“Well, no.  We will make the new Armenians second-class citizens with no right to vote.”  Sorry, that won’t work.
“All right, then, let them vote the way they want. We will count the votes the way we want.  After all, we have had good practice doing that.”   It might work, but I doubt if the world will accept that.
So, the misbegotten idea of the Armenians pursuing the “return of Armenian lands” makes about as much sense as a dog chasing an automobile.  It wouldn’t know what to do if it caught the automobile.
In the meanwhile, the very real possibility of enough world pressure growing to get the Turks to recognize the historical fact of the Armenian Genocide is forgotten–and the souls of one-and-a-half-million dead still seek their rest.
All because a political party, like its members, which did Armenia no good in the 19th century, no good for Armenia in the 20th century, and persists in doing Armenia no good in the 21st century, refuses to live in the real world.
As the 20th century’s greatest philosopher, Pogo, said: “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

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